Kindred Place, formerly the Exchange Club Family Center, is dedicated to providing resources and support for families dealing with anger and violence. It is our mission to break the cycle of abuse and build peaceful, kindred communities.
Kindred365 is a blog series that offers daily insights from Jennifer Balink, Executive Director at Kindred Place. Check back every day for a new piece of advice, encouragement or tips to help build healthy relationships and peaceful homes.
For more information, visit kindred-place.org.
July 12, 2019
One way to control your emotions is by creating a safety plan. You can replace your reactions with new responses to keep anger at a manageable and healthy level. This plan could include taking a time-out, taking deep breaths or using a relaxation method, being emotionally honest, talking more slowly and quietly and using positive self-talk.
July 11, 2019
When you’re feeling upset, take a moment to identify your behavioral signs of anger in order to maintain control. You may find yourself speaking loudly, being sarcastic, ignoring or being silent, or displaying threatening postures. These are all signs of anger. Acknowledging these feelings can help you maintain control and prevent you from lashing out.
July 10, 2019
The road to healing is one that is not easily traveled, but it is worth the peace that awaits at the end. Efforts to prevent domestic violence from happening again requires a clear understanding of the factors that contribute to family violence, attaining resources and fostering and initiating change in individuals, families, and society.
July 9, 2019
Domestic violence victims are faced with emotional distress, while children who experience violence at a young age can carry these long-lasting effects with them for a long time. These effects are substantial and should be taken seriously. Seeking help can allow you to experience the healing your family needs.
July 8, 2019
Education and awareness are key components in breaking the cycle of abuse in families. It takes community members to intervene, provide resources and offer support for friends and family that have encountered family violence.
July 7, 2019
Our Comprehensive Anger Management Program provides emotional regulation and/or life skills for children, teens and adults using evidence-based curriculum and crafted content for any age. Learn more about this program here.
July 6, 2019
Anger is normal and it is an emotion everyone feels. However, it’s important to recognize this emotion in the early stages to avoid over-reacting and lashing out with violent behavior.
July 5, 2019
Family violence can cause physical and psychological harm. When it is not addressed, it can pass from one generation to the next. Some children who experience family violence become violent adolescents and feel that their world need to be controlled.
July 4, 2019
Family violence can manifest in many forms, but it’s important to understand that all forms of family violence are unacceptable. If you are dealing with this type of trauma know that it’s ok to ask for help. It's never too late for healing to occur.
July 3, 2019
When children witness abuse or trauma, they are more likely to develop behavioral problems later in life. At Kindred Place, we believe in addressing family trauma through therapy. We help guide your children as they learn how to communicate their experiences. Getting to the root of the trauma in a safe environment promotes peace and healing within the entire family unit.
July 2, 2019
Unfair blame is frequently put upon the victim of abuse because of assumptions that victims choose to stay in abusive relationships. The truth is, bringing an end to abuse is not a matter of the victim choosing to leave; it is a matter of the victim being able to safely escape their abuser, the abuser choosing to stop the abuse, or others holding the abuser accountable for the abuse they inflict.
July 1, 2019
What may start out as something that was first believed to be harmless can quickly escalate into extreme control and abuse. These patterns of controlling behavior are not something to ignore. If you feel unsafe or trapped in a relationship, reach out to someone you trust for help.
June 30, 2019
Domestic violence is an epidemic affecting individuals in every community regardless of age, economic status, sexual orientation, gender, race, religion, or nationality. This widespread issue affects people communities right here in our city, and it’s our job to be there for anyone who needs help.
June 29, 2019
The frequency and severity of domestic violence can vary. However, the one constant component of domestic violence is one partner’s consistent efforts to maintain power and control over the other. Take note of this warning sign and ask for help if you feel that your relationship is dangerous.
June 28, 2019
Domestic violence can manifest in many different ways. It includes behaviors that physically harm, bring about fear and prevent a partner from doing what they wish or force them to behave in ways they do not want to. It includes the use of physical and sexual violence, threats and intimidation, emotional abuse and economic deprivation.
June 27, 2019
It’s important that we learn how to talk about family violence. Part of helping a victim feel understood and heard is knowing which questions to ask and how to listen with empathy.
June 26, 2019
Abusive relationships may involve blame shifting, isolation and manipulation. If you notice any of these warning signs in your own relationship, it’s safe to speak up and ask for help.
June 25, 2019
When you start to feel out of control of your emotions, take a moment to close your eyes and count backwards from 10 slowly. Slowing down can help you diffuse anger and prevent a violent response.
June 24, 2019
Myths about domestic violence generally blame the victim or some other factor, such as alcohol or anger, for the violence. Domestic violence is intentional conduct. It is critical that all responses to domestic violence share a common understanding of domestic violence and focus on abuser’s actions.
June 23, 2019
Instead of blaming the other person for a problem you’re having, identify the problem and try to find a resolution. Often, once you separate the problem from the person, you both realize that the problem can be solved.
June 22, 2019
In most cases family violence happens within the home. It might not be obvious that someone is a victim of abuse, but keep in mind that you don't know what is happening behind closed doors.
June 21, 2019
Children who witness family violence are more likely to abuse their own partners and children when they become adults. Helping your children seek professional counseling when they are young can prevent the cycle of abuse from happening in their own lives.
June 20, 2019
Survivors of family violence face high rates of depression, sleep disturbances, anxiety, flashbacks, and other emotional distress. Seeking professional counseling or talking to someone you trust can help you heal from these mental health problems.
June 19, 2019
Many cases of family violence are never reported. If you sense that someone is staying silent about abuse and seems afraid to speak up, show them you are ready to listen when they are ready to share.
June 18, 2019
There are many signs of an abusive relationship, and a fear of your partner is the most telling. If you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around them or constantly watch what you say, you may be experiencing a form of abuse.
June 17, 2019
While physical injury may pose the most obvious danger in abusive relationships, the emotional consequences of domestic abuse are also severe. Emotionally abusive relationships can destroy your self-worth, lead to anxiety and depression and make you feel alone. No one should have to endure this kind of pain.
June 16, 2019
An abuser doesn’t “play fair.” An abuser uses fear, guilt, shame and intimidation to wear you down and keep you under their control. Breaking out of this cycle can feel impossible, but help is available. Taking steps toward peace starts with talking to someone you trust and opening up about your experience.
June 15, 2019
Abusive relationships may involve accusations, blame shifting, isolation, pressure and manipulation. If you notice any of these warning signs in your relationship, it’s time to consider seeking professional help.
June 14, 2019
The economic impact family violence has on victims is not something to ignore. People across the world miss work and lose their jobs due to reasons stemming from abuse. Understanding the complex nature of abuse and all the ways it manifests can help you have more empathy and understanding for people you care about.
June 13, 2019
The number of children who are exposed to intimate partner violence each year is alarming. The effects family violence has on children can be detrimental to their future. If you know a child who has witnessed abuse, getting them help early on is extremely important.
June 12, 2019
When trying to de-escalate a tense situation, try to avoid calling the other person hurtful names. Addressing someone by their actual name shows that you respect them, and this can help diffuse the situation.
June 11, 2019
Knowing the facts and statistics about family violence is the first step toward standing up for its survivors. Conducting your own research can inspire you to have a conversation with a victim of abuse and do your part in providing help.
June 10, 2019
Learning to recognize the times that you tend to feel angry, such as times of the day, or days of the week, can help you begin to de-escalate your feelings and maintain control.
June 9, 2019
Abuse can lead to long-term mental health problems, such as PTSD and anxiety. If you've experienced abuse in the past and are struggling, ask someone for help. Experts are there to guide you through any obstacle you might be facing in life. You don't have to fight this alone.
June 8, 2019
The prevalence of intimate partner violence is high among both men and women. Odds are, someone you know has experienced abuse or is currently being abused. While nothing can make this traumatic experience easier, reassuring someone that they are not alone can be comforting.
June 7, 2019
The reasons for staying in an abusive relationship are complex. Have empathy and understanding for those who decide to stay in the relationship. They might be feeling threatened or afraid of what will happen if they leave. Sticking by their side and trusting their decisions is important to their healing, even when it might be hard to understand.
June 6, 2019
Children who witness abuse are prone to developing behavior problems later in life. If your child or a child you know has witnessed family violence, help them find healing through therapy that is appropriate for their age. Getting to the root of the problem early on is important to their development and well-being.
June 5, 2019
Domestic violence does not need to be physical to be considered abuse. It can occur in many forms, including physical, emotional, verbal, sexual and economic abuse. Knowing all the ways abuse can manifest can help you recognize unusual behavior in your friends and family.
June 4, 2019
If you’re a victim of abuse, remember that nothing you can say or do makes you deserving of what has happened to you. Abuse is not your fault. Abusers bear sole responsibility for their actions.
June 3, 2019
Each of us has the power to ask for help and move toward healing. If your family is hurting because of trauma or abuse, help is available to you through our family at Kindred Place.
June 2, 2019
It can be hard to admit or identify family violence. If you feel like you might be a victim of abuse, tell someone you trust. Letting someone know what you are experiencing can help free you from the cycle of shame and fear.
June 1, 2019
Many domestic violence victims feel alone and confused as a result of the abuse. They can feel as if there is nowhere to turn and that no one will believe them if they seek help. If you know someone who is being abused, you can help them know they are not alone and that you believe their story.
May 31, 2019
Understanding what family violence is can help you identify an unhealthy relationship in your life, or the life of someone close to you. Domestic violence occurs when a person uses physical violence, threats, intimidation, isolation, stalking, emotional abuse, sexual abuse or economic abuse to control another partner in a relationship.
May 30, 2019
Never assume that you know what is best for a victim of abuse. Remind them that everyone deserves to have healthy and safe relationships, and you’re concerned about their wellbeing.
May 29, 2019
Asking survivors why they stay in an abusive relationship implies that the violence is the victim’s fault. Instead, ask how you can help support them in safety and happiness.
May 28, 2019
Listen to survivors and believe them when they are telling their story. Letting your friend or family member know you care and are willing to listen may be the best help you can offer.
May 27, 2019
Start conversations with the children in your life about the important components of healthy relationships. Through your own actions and respect of healthy boundaries, you can lead your family in non-violent conflict resolution.
May 26, 2019
It’s not easy for an abuser to stop abusive behavior, and it requires a serious decision to change. With help from people they trust and professional support, abusers must make the choice to change and stay committed to living a new life. Know that you are not alone and it is possible to break free from the cycle.
May 25, 2019
People of all genders can be survivors and perpetrators of family violence. Domestic violence has an effect on the community as a whole, and everyone must be part of the solution to break the cycle.
May 24, 2019
When a person who causes harm uses hurtful words to put down their partner or family member, it can be very traumatizing and result in depression or anxiety. You can help by supporting them and reminding them of their true worth. A simple word of encouragement goes a long way.
May 23, 2019
Many abusers cling to power or self-control. One way you can help a friend or family member in an abusive relationship is by empowering them to make their own decisions and reminding them of their worth.
May 22, 2019
If your child is expressing concerns or asking for help, take time to listen to them. Accept what they are saying to you and be supportive. Even if you don’t agree with them, judging or disregarding their feelings can make them feel even worse and discourage them from communicating with you in the future.
May 21, 2019
When recovering from an abusive relationship, don’t pressure yourself to put a time limit on your pain. Everyone deals with trauma differently and your story is not comparable to someone else’s. It’s ok to feel pain and ask for support.
May 20, 2019
When children witness the abuse of power and physical violence in the home, they are likely to believe that this kind of behavior is acceptable. Children who experience family violence may have a hard time maintaining peaceful relationships if they aren’t offered help.
May 19, 2019
Emotional pain can linger long after you leave an abusive relationship. During this time, know that you are not alone and surround yourself with friends, family members and counselors who can help guide you through these feelings.
May 18, 2019
If someone you love is being abused, your instinct might tell you to save them from the relationship. Unfortunately, it isn’t always that easy. There are many reasons why people are scared to leave an abusive relationship and it can be a very difficult situation for a victim. Try your best to be available as a listening ear or to help them find professional support.
May 17, 2019
If kids are told over and over again that they are stupid or unloved, it is very difficult for them to overcome these feelings as they grow up. Choosing to talk to your child with an uplifting tone makes them feel valued and empowers them to succeed.
May 16, 2019
Instead of demanding your own way, talk about conflict and work toward a solution with your partner. When you insist on being right, it is belittling to the other person in the relationship. Finding a resolution together promotes trust and security.
May 15, 2019
Physical injury is a more apparent sign of abuse, but the emotional and psychological consequences of abuse are not as easily noticed. If you suspect a loved one is being abused, pay attention to behavior changes like anxiety or depression to know when you should step in and help.
May 14, 2019
Realizing that you have been abused can be a very painful process. It’s important to acknowledge what has happened to you, but you don’t have to face the pain alone. Reaching out to friends, family or a counselor can help you heal and break free from what you’re experiencing.
May 13, 2019
If you know someone who is being abused, it may be hard to approach them. Begin by realizing that your friend or relative might not see the situation clearly. Try to approach them in a way that is careful and understanding in order to let them know you care about their safety and happiness.
May 12, 2019
When someone is voicing a frustration, remember to listen with empathy. This intentional act of listening demonstrates your attentiveness and understanding of what's being said
May 11, 2019
It’s easy to hold anger in or explode all at once when you become frustrated. Learning techniques to safely express your anger helps meet your needs without hurting others.
May 10, 2019
Every relationship is a bit different, but there are common traits shared by all abusive relationships, most of which are the varying tactics used by abusers to gain and maintain power and control.
May 9, 2019
Relationships are complicated, and when those around us are stressed, frustrated or angry, our brains respond with tension and fear. These emotions can be regulated and navigated in healthy ways, but it requires awareness, patience and participation from everyone involved.
May 8, 2019
Sometimes violence begins early on in a relationship, and other times, it takes months or even years to appear. Be on the lookout for behaviors such as jealousy, controlling tendencies, threats or intimidation.
May 7, 2019
It's important for parents to know how to navigate their anger so their children can reflect similar healthy conflict resolution skills.
May 6, 2019
Sometimes, it can be difficult for a child to verbalize their anger, so it can help to find alternative ways to express it. Consider having your child write out what makes them angry or drawing a picture of the thing that makes them upset.
May 5, 2019
Anger triggers for children are often similar to those of adults and can include conflict with another child, not getting their way, rejection by peers, being bullied, being punished or scolded, and sickness or fatigue.
May 4, 2019
The first step in managing anger is to understand why you or your child get angry in the first place. Triggers for adults can include a child’s misbehavior, frustrating events like a traffic jam, stress caused by work, finances or family, disappointment, jealousy or resentment, and sickness or fatigue.
May 3, 2019
May is Mental Health Month. There are numerous studies that link family violence to mental health conditions such as depression and anxiety. If you have experienced violence in the home and would like to speak with our clinical team, contact us today.
May 2, 2019
Breaking the cycle of violence in the home starts with awareness; awareness of ourselves, of others and of each unique relationship.
May 1, 2019
Creating healthy, non-violent conflict resolution habits involves a great amount of self-reflection. We all have to take ownership of what we’ve done in the past and make intentional effort to improve.
April 30, 2019
Conflict is inevitable as long as people are unique and different from one another. These differences make relationships dynamic and beautiful. Sometimes, we just need a little extra help navigating the emotions that spring from these dynamics, and there is no shame in reaching out for support.
April 29, 2019
Children are extremely susceptible to picking up habits and tendencies from their parents. This is why it is so important to demonstrate healthy relationships and non-violent conflict resolution in the home.
April 28, 2019
Anger is normal and it is an energy which can help motivate us to accomplish goals. However, it’s important to recognize this emotion in the early stages to avoid over-reacting and lashing out with violent behavior.
April 27, 2019
Self-awareness is a tremendous tool when learning to deal with feelings of anger. If we can identify what makes us angry, when we tend to feel anger, what trigger words might set us off, etc., we can prepare alternative responses and avoid violent behavior.
April 26, 2019
Ending family violence in our community is much bigger than the relationship between one parent and one child, or between two intimate partners. While these pieces are vital to the solution, it also requires a shift in culture and thinking. We all have to be aware of our relationships and we all have to work toward peace collectively.
April 25, 2019
Restoring broken relationships requires courage and vulnerability. Sometimes, it can help to seek professional mediation or individual counseling to learn communication skills that can build trust and create safety within the relationship.
April 24, 2019
There is a deep connection between trust and anger that we often don't realize. Sometimes, the reason we feel angry is because someone has let us down or betrayed us. These feelings are not inherently wrong, but should also motivate us to seek help learning how to express our anger in healthy ways.
April 23, 2019
No matter where we are in our journey with family and relationships, we should always ask ourselves, "How can I be more compassionate, respectful and understanding when I engage with others?"
April 22, 2019
Sometimes, we can feel guilty when expressing anger, and it can be difficult to determine if we responded in a healthy way. Ask yourself, "Did I speak harshly or with understanding, loudly or calmly, disrespectfully or respectfully, critically or with encouragement, in a threatening/judgmental way or with a comforting tone?"
April 21, 2019
While it can be easy to look back at a situation with a clear head, it's even more important to maintain peace in the midst of your conversations and engagements.
April 20, 2019
When navigating feelings of anger and working toward healthy conflict resolution, be sure to listen, paraphrase what was said to you, demonstrate empathy and state your feelings in a calm manner along with the facts.
April 19, 2019
Non-violent conflict resolution is all about communication. Finding healthy ways to express anger, frustration, desire for change, etc. will ensure that violence stays out of the home and that relationships will be peaceful.
April 18, 2019
You are worth feeling safe and loved. There is nothing that you could have done to deserve a life of fear and abuse. Reach out for professional help if you are struggling with feelings of self-worth after experiencing family violence.
April 17, 2019
Moving forward from family violence is an unbelievably challenging task. It requires grieving a former way of life, and no matter how damaging that period was, change is hard to navigate. It is not unusual to feel lost and sad when transitioning out of an abusive relationship.
April 16, 2019
Those who are victims of violence in the home often struggle with immense shame. When interacting with a friend or family member who has been abused, be aware of what you say and how you say it. Most times, they need encouragement and reassurance that they do not have to live with that shame.
April 15, 2019
If you are impacted by family violence, it’s important to know that it is not your fault. You cannot wait for your abuser to stop abusing you. Often, they cannot stop without getting professional help.
April 14, 2019
Recognizing that you are being abused is difficult. It can be even more difficult to take action. Whether you need professional support or you need assistance leaving an abusive relationship, you are not alone.
April 13, 2019
If you suspect that someone you love may be a victim of abuse, know that they may not recognize these destructive patterns, particularly if they are psychological. Be sure they know that you care, and present your concerns in a gentle, loving way.
April 12, 2019
Psychological abuse can be difficult to recognize, as it doesn’t leave physical scars. However, this type of abuse can often be more impactful in the long run. It impacts your idea of self-worth, identity and trust. These core foundations are hard to repair once they are compromised.
April 11, 2019
April is Child Abuse Prevention Month. Some may not realize that witnessing family violence is a traumatic experience for a child or teen: seeing or hearing a family member being threatened or harmed can negatively impact a child’s sense of safety and security, resulting in long-term consequences for brain development and emotional health.
April 10, 2019
Abuse can happen to all types of people, regardless of age, gender, race, economic or social status, or sexual orientation. And remember, abuse is never the victim’s fault. Help is always available at Kindred Place. If you need professional support, call us today.
April 9, 2019
Being able to trust yourself is an important part of trusting others. Being hurt by someone in the past may impact your ability to trust yourself and your own instincts. Know that you are not alone and there are resources available to help you navigate these feelings.
April 8, 2019
We demonstrate our trustworthiness through consistency in our actions. Whether it is a small action like being on time, or a more significant action like respecting boundaries and keeping private information in confidence, the way we interact with our partner or child shows whether or not we are dependable. Learning these things in a relationship happens gradually, but require consistency and patience.
April 7, 2019
Trust is so important when it comes to building strong, healthy relationships. In order to gain your partner’s trust, they need to feel safe, heard and valued. Be sure you are listening when they express their feelings to you, do not interrupt and respond with kindness.
April 6, 2019
Easy to say but hard to do, compromising is a major part of conflict resolution and any successful relationship. When you disagree about a decision, find a solution that can allow both of you to feel satisfied with the outcome.
April 5, 2019
In a healthy relationship, communication is key. When you can communicate effectively and can resolve conflicts successfully, you are strengthening a healthy, mature relationship.
April 4, 2019
Setting boundaries can be a helpful tool when learning how to resolve conflict without violence. Everyone deserves to be treated with respect, even during an argument. If your partner curses at you, calls you names or ridicules you, tell them to stop, and if they don’t, you may need to walk away and set a boundary that says you do not want to continue arguing. If you can’t express yourself without fear of retaliation, you may be experiencing abuse.
April 3, 2019
In a healthy relationship, both parties should have equal input and should never be afraid to express feelings. Occasional arguments and disagreements are normal, but how you choose to deal with your disagreements is what really counts.
April 2, 2019
April is Child Abuse Prevention Month, and we're encouraging you to speak up and help break the cycle of family violence. Learn more about the #SpeakUpMEM campaign and download resources to share with your community here.
April 1, 2019
Fixing problems inside the home is essential to fixing larger problems outside the home, such as crime and poverty. And family violence continues in our community because we often choose to stay silent. As a society, we have to break the cycle of family violence by speaking up, offering safety for those impacted, and providing resources to help address the issue at its source.
March 31, 2019
Taking the first step toward seeking help is courageous. Whether you are seeking clinical support as a victim of family violence or seeking anger management education, Kindred Place is here to walk through the process with you.
March 30, 2019
If you struggle with anger or violent behavior, take note of the patterns in your daily life. If you notice that you regularly feel angry under certain circumstances, use this as a warning sign that you need to disengage or walk away in order to calm down.
March 29, 2019
Breaking the cycle of violence inside the home begins with awareness outside the home.
March 28, 2019
Our Comprehensive Anger Management Program provides emotional regulation and/or life skills for children, teens and adults using evidence-based curriculum and crafted content for any age. Learn more about our programs here.
March 27, 2019
While family violence takes place behind closed doors, its effects impact the entire community. We can all play a part in identifying violence and breaking the cycle of abuse.
March 26, 2019
It is true that someone who exhibits violent behavior can change, but it takes a lot of intentional work and awareness. The very first step is to admit wholly what one has done and stop making excuses for aggressive behavior. Then, the ongoing process of transformation can take place. One can then make amends, accept responsibility for those choices and begin replacing abusive behavior with respectful, supportive behavior.
March 25, 2019
Take note of the emotions you feel when interacting with your parent or partner. If you have feelings of fear, anxiety, stress or anger, it may be time to reach out for professional help.
March 24, 2019
If you are impacted by family violence, know that you are not alone, and you do not have to face this by yourself. You are worthy of love, compassion and security, and there are a number of resources available to you.
March 23, 2019
Family violence and abuse is not always physical. It can often be emotional, mental or verbal. If you have questions about whether you are facing abuse, contact a professional for support.
March 22, 2019
One in four women worldwide will experience domestic/dating violence in their lifetime, and those between the ages of 20 and 24 are at greatest risk. Education and awareness are the first steps of breaking the cycle in our community.
March 21, 2019
Even if children are not direct victims of family violence, they are often present when violence occurs in the home. Witnessing these events can severely impact their mental, emotional and even physical health, and it is best to seek professional support to ensure they can process this trauma in a safe environment.
March 20, 2019
If someone you know is impacted by violence in their home, show compassion and be as available as you can for support. Often, victims are afraid their friends and family will think they are weak or won't understand the situation. The best way to help is to show them that they are not alone.
March 19, 2019
Family violence is not exclusive to one race, class, religion or economic background. This is important to understand in order to be aware of violent behavior in your community, as well as to develop the empathy necessary to support someone who has been abused.
March 18, 2019
Teens who witness abuse may respond differently than younger children. They may act out by fighting with family members or skipping school. They may also engage in risky behaviors, such as using alcohol or drugs. They may have low self-esteem and have trouble making friends. It is crucial to get teens the professional support they need to navigate their experiences and build a healthy family environment in which they can feel safe.
March 17, 2019
Each person responds differently to abuse and trauma. Some are more resilient, and some are more sensitive. Although many will probably never forget what they saw or experienced during the abuse, they can learn healthy ways to deal with their emotions and memories as they mature and find healing.
March 16, 2019
Children who witness or are victims of abuse are at higher risk for health problems as adults, such as depression, anxiety, diabetes and heart disease. The sooner a child receives the right support, the better his or her chances are for becoming a mentally and physically healthy adult.
March 15, 2019
More than 15 million children in the United States live in homes in which domestic violence has happened at least once. These children are at greater risk for repeating the cycle as adults by entering into abusive relationships or becoming abusers themselves.
March 14, 2019
Anger is a natural emotion. If we try to ignore it, suppress it or cover it up, it can lead to an outburst. Once we realize we may have a problem expressing our anger in a healthy way, it can help to write about it, draw it out or talk to someone we trust about the root cause of our anger. Then, we can determine the best course of action to prevent violent behavior.
March 13, 2019
When feelings of anger arise, try to diffuse the situation before immediately reacting by counting to 10, taking five slow, deep breaths, going outside or taking a walk.
March 12, 2019
Family violence is minimized when people have access to tools and resources that help them navigate feelings of anger and frustration. Abusers need support to cope with their emotions and experiences in order to overcome violent behavior.
March 11, 2019
Witnessing violence in the home can have tremendous impact on children. One of the most tragic outcomes of domestic violence is that more than half of the young men between the ages of 11 and 22 who are in jail for homicide have killed their mother’s abuser.
March 10, 2019
Family violence robs people of their fundamental right to maintain control over their own lives. Victims of abuse live in fear and isolation in the one place they should always feel safe, their home. With a community of support, those who are impacted can find their way back to safety and back to control.
March 9, 2019
Children who witness or are the victims of violence in their home may learn to believe that violence is a reasonable way to resolve conflict between people. Ending family violence starts by breaking the cycle.
March 8, 2019
Anger can be caused by a number of factors, including stress, loss, insecurity or depression. In order to ensure you are dealing with these emotions in a healthy way, it may be worth exploring a few of these contributors with a professional, a trusted family member or close friend.
March 7, 2019
Sometimes, it can help to keep a log of recent occasions during which you felt angry. Explore what happened, what the issue was, how you felt and what the results were. It’s also helpful to think through occasions during which you were able to control your anger. How did you control it? What did you do or say to diffuse the situation? These practices can help prevent future instances of uncontrolled anger.
March 6, 2019
When anger is expressed in healthy ways, it can be a change agent. It can help people problem-solve rather than stagnate. Anger can move people to work through emotions and forgive rather than become bitter. However, it is crucial to find healthy ways to express anger.
March 5, 2019
Education and awareness are key players in breaking the cycle of abuse in families. It takes a community to intervene, provide resources and offer support for friends and family that have encountered family violence.
March 4, 2019
Victims of family violence are often in desperate need of support, community and compassion. Offer a listening ear, and understand that their decision to stay or leave an abusive situation is theirs, and there may be multiple factors that you do not understand.
March 3, 2019
Family violence is not only physical. Psychological abuse involves isolation from others, excessive jealousy, control of his or her activities, verbal aggression, intimidation through destruction of property, harassment or stalking, threats of violence and constant belittling and humiliation.
March 2, 2019
Some studies suggest that children who witness violence at home also display signs of damaged social development. Some children lose the ability to feel empathy for others. Others feel socially isolated, unable to make friends as easily due to social discomfort or confusion over what is acceptable.
March 1, 2019
Every child has the right to grow up safe from harm, especially within their own family. Violence in the home shatters a child’s basic right to feel safe and secure in the world, and the only way to break the cycle is to address both the effects on children and the behavior in adults.
February 28, 2019
As many as 275 million children worldwide are exposed to violence in the home. There is a common link between domestic violence and child abuse. Among victims of child abuse, 40 percent report domestic violence in the home.
February 27, 2019
Research shows that children who are exposed to violence in the home may have difficulty learning and limited social skills, as well as exhibit violent, risky or delinquent behavior, or suffer from depression or severe anxiety later in life. It it more important than ever to break the cycle of family violence.
February 26, 2019
A relationship that is built consistently over time with trust and respect can help you see a situation from the other person's point-of-view.
February 25, 2019
Another technique that helps break the cycle of violent behavior is to relax intentionally. Developing mindfulness techniques will help you remove yourself from the initial emotional response. It's important to remember to take care of yourself so that you can stay in a healthy frame of mind. Regular exercise, sleep and a healthy diet will help you maintain balance.
February 24, 2019
Empathy can be a powerful tool to prevent violent behavior in a moment of anger. If another person is the source of your anger, try to see the situation from his or her perspective. Be objective here. Everyone makes mistakes, and it is through mistakes that people learn how to improve.
February 23, 2019
Interrupting the cycle of anger can be an effective way to create new, healthy habits. Consider the facts of the situation to keep your emotions in check. Look at what you can observe about the person or situation, not what you're inferring about someone's motivations or intentions. Does this situation deserve your attention? And is your anger justified here?
February 22, 2019
When you decide to take a step toward anger management and healing, let the important people in your life know about the changes that you're trying to make. They can motivate and support you when you fall back into old behaviors.
February 21, 2019
Do you know what causes your anger? It’s possible that you may not understand why you react angrily to some people or events. It can be helpful to monitor the triggers and the frequency of your anger in order to develop strategies to channel it effectively.
February 20, 2019
If you find it difficult to manage your anger, the first thing to do is be honest with yourself and acknowledge that you have trouble navigating these emotions. We can create solutions only when we can identify the problem.
February 19, 2019
Anger is an emotion depicted by resentment, bitterness, and/or hatred toward someone or something that we may feel has harmed us or done us wrong. Though anger can be an intense feeling that is difficult to manage, it can also forge an outlet to communicate negative feelings and engage in conflict resolution to solve problems. However, excessive anger can have potential negative effects that can include health problems, psychological trauma or family violence.
February 18, 2019
Feelings of being entitled to power may be a driving factor for a person to disregard the feelings of their partner. Often, the underlying drive for power can include feelings of inadequacy, low self-esteem, fear of abandonment and guilt.
February 17, 2019
Anger is a normal emotion, and it only becomes a problem when it occurs too frequently, too intensely, lasts too long and disturbs work or relationships. Understanding the emotion is a foundational step to managing behavior.
February 16, 2019
Those who struggle with violent behavior at home often require counseling in power/control philosophy, accepting consequences and responsibility, and changing behaviors. Those who seek anger management support are likely in need of methods to communicate anger in a healthy manner. In addition to those techniques, both parties can benefit from learning empathy, identifying triggers, developing a plan, using coping skills and calming techniques, and dismantling the distorted thinking process that occurs during episodes of anger and/or violence.
February 15, 2019
The first step to controlling anger is recognizing anger when it’s in the early stages. This offers us the opportunity to manage it while it’s containable. Identifying personal body signals (e.g. chest pains, headaches, tension, dizziness) when angry is important in managing emotions and expressing them in a healthy way.
February 14, 2019
Unprocessed anger can eventually lead to an unexpected explosion. People, particularly men, often don’t realize when they are angry and suddenly become overwhelmed with the intensity of an emotional reaction. The body feels angry before the mind realizes what it is angry about. When emotions are not expressed and acknowledged in a healthy way, there is always a chance of losing control.
February 13, 2019
Observers often attribute family violence to uncontrollable anger. However, many studies suggest that domestic abuse is a strategy to maintain power in a relationship, more than it is about excessive anger.
February 12, 2019
One difference between anger and family violence is that anger can be expressed toward anyone or anything (i.e. people, situations, unmet needs), whereas domestic violence generally occurs within an intimate relationship. Anger can also be expressed in a positive healthy manner, via coping skills assertiveness, problem solving and conflict resolution, whereas domestic violence is always a problem and is never useful or healthy.
February 11, 2019
Domestic violence has been a concern in our society for decades. It is an epidemic and affects individuals in every community regardless of sex, socio-economic status, religion or race.
February 10, 2019
When your emotions feel uncontrollable, take a moment to close your eyes and count backwards from 10 slowly. This helps diffuse anger to prevent violent reactions.
February 9, 2019
Anger is often a mask for our primary feelings. If we can learn to express our desire for change, our insecurities, sadness or fear in a healthy way, we can better learn to keep our anger under control.
February 8, 2019
According to research, approximately 1.5 million high school students nationwide experience physical abuse from a dating partner each year. Additionally, 3 in 4 parents have never talked to their children about domestic violence. It it important to educate children and teens about behaviors that may lead to violence in their relationships in order to avoid danger, when possible, and more importantly, to keep the line of communication open in case they encounter a violent dating partner.
February 7, 2019
Compassion is one of the most crucial elements in the healing process. If someone has experienced or witnessed violence in their home, it is important to let them know that their feelings and emotions are valid, and that they are not alone.
February 6, 2019
There are many myths about domestic violence. In explaining the cause of domestic violence, the myths generally focus on blaming the victim or some other factor, such as alcohol, anger or a lack of education. As a result, these myths obscure the batterer’s responsibility for his actions.
February 5, 2019
Many people believe that family violence is limited to remote and rural areas. However, domestic violence has been documented in both rural and urban areas. It is important to know that violence in the home is a problem everywhere if we are to break the cycle and end abuse.
February 4, 2019
Treat other people the way you want to be treated. If you are in disagreement with someone, instead of putting the other person down, show respect by treating the other person the way that you want to be treated.
February 3, 2019
When dealing with feelings of anger, it can often help to put yourself on the same side as the other person. Brainstorm together. Instead of telling the other person what to do, ask him/her to help you come up with a solution.
February 2, 2019
Attack the problem, not the person. Instead of blaming the other person for the problem, identify the problem without blaming the other person. Often, once you separate the problem from the person, you both realize that the problem can be solved.
February 1, 2019
If we do not stop and think about what our real feelings are, then we cannot resolve our unique problems and, in turn, cannot fully grow emotionally.
January 31, 2019
Myths about domestic violence generally blame the victim or some other factor, such as alcohol or anger, for the violence. As a result, these myths divert attention from the actions of the abuser. Domestic violence, however, is intentional conduct. It is critical that all responses to domestic violence share a common understanding of domestic violence and focus on abuser’s actions.
January 30, 2019
Did you know that there are many social, economic and cultural reasons a woman might choose to stay in an abusive relationship? These reasons are rational. Often, there is no place for her to go. She may not have a way to support herself or her children if she leaves, feel embarrassed or humiliated about the abuse, or fear that her friends, family and community will blame her for the abuse. She may be reluctant to leave for emotional or religious reasons. In addition, leaving entails substantial risks. She may fear that a batterer will carry out threats to harm her, himself the children, friends or family. Battered women are in the greatest danger of severe or even lethal attacks when they attempt to leave, and she is the only one who can judge when it is safe for her to do so.
January 29, 2019
In moments of conflict, consider asking to hear the other point of view. Instead of refusing to listen, ask to hear the other person’s perspective. Offer to listen to the other person first, before explaining your point of view. Sometimes there is a misunderstanding.
January 28, 2019
We all know victims. Worldwide, between one quarter and one half of all women experience violence in an intimate relationship. Victims of domestic violence may not disclose the abuse because of embarrassment or humiliation, fear that they will be blamed for the abuse, or the danger of retaliation from the abuser.
January 27, 2019
Research shows that women are victims in 95% of domestic violence cases. To the extent women do use violence, it is generally in self-defense. Reports of violence against men are often exaggerated because abusers will accuse their partners of using violence as a way to avoid or minimize their own responsibility. In addition, men who do experience domestic violence have more access to resources to leave violent situations than do women.
January 26, 2019
Sometimes it can be difficult to identify an abusive relationship when your partner may not express violent behavior. However, there are other signs of abuse that need to be addressed. If one person is making all of the decisions - about sexual choices, friend groups, boundaries, even what’s true and what’s not, it may be time to seek help. If you spend all of your time together and feel like you can’t talk to other people, especially about what’s really happening in your relationship, you are likely experiencing relational abuse.
January 25, 2019
We often do not learn appropriate ways to express our primary emotions, such as sadness, rejection, fear, hurt, insecurity or frustration; therefore, we express these feelings in the form of anger in an attempt to control a situation rather than allowing ourselves to be vulnerable by expressing our more delicate selves.
January 24, 2019
Anger is the emotion expressed more often as we seek to appear powerful in moments of distress or anxiety; we learn how to express anger by how our family or society expresses anger.
January 23, 2019
If you need to de-escalate your anger in a situation, try using words like “let’s," “we," and “our." Instead of demanding your own way, talk about the conflict, not as a contest with a winner and a loser, but as a shared problem that can be worked out together. Remember that anytime you want to be right, you are insisting that you win and the other person lose. No one wants to lose, so take the opportunity to find a way to compromise together. (Example: Replace “You need to stop yelling!” with “We need to stop yelling.”)
January 22, 2019
Many people believe that alcohol and drug use is a major cause of domestic violence. This is a myth. Although alcohol and drugs are often associated with domestic violence, they
do not cause the violence. An abuser may use alcohol as an excuse for the violence, or alcohol may prevent him from realizing the level of force he is using, but alcohol is not the cause. Domestic violence and substance abuse must be understood and treated as independent problems.
January 21, 2019
Create a safety plan for situations that will be upsetting to you. You can replace your reactions with new responses to keep anger at a manageable and healthy level. These alternatives could include taking a time-out, taking deep breaths or using a relaxation method, being emotionally honest, especially around feeling scared, hurt or insecure, talking more slowly and quietly and using positive self-talk.
January 20, 2019
Feeling threatened, frustrated, disappointed, annoyed or harassed can be feeling signs that tell you anger is escalating in a situation, and may become uncontrolled.
January 19, 2019
Thought signs are another way to determine if anger may become uncontrolled. If you experience thoughts of failure, telling yourself you are right, making comparisons or telling yourself you deserve more, pay close attention to how quickly the situation escalates so you can diffuse it in a safe and healthy way.
January 18, 2019
Instead of demanding your own way, talk about conflict, not as a contest with a winner and a loser, but as a shared problem that can be worked out together. Remember that anytime you want to be right, you are insisting that you win and the other person lose. No one wants to lose, so take the opportunity to find a way to compromise together.
January 17, 2019
Abusive relationships may involve accusations, blame shifting, isolation, pressure and manipulation. If you notice any of these warning signs in your relationship, it is time to seek professional help.
January 16, 2019
Take a moment to identify your behavioral signs of anger in order to maintain control in a situation that feels like it may escalate. You may find yourself speaking loudly, being sarcastic, ignoring or being silent, or displaying threatening postures. These are all signs of anger.
January 15, 2019
Primary emotions include sadness, rejection, fear, hurt, insecurity and frustration. We often do not learn appropriate ways to express our primary emotions; therefore, we express these feelings in the form of anger. If we do not stop and think about what our real feelings are, then we cannot resolve our unique problems and, in turn, cannot fully grow emotionally.
January 14, 2019
When learning how to recognize anger, consider your physical signs, such as tension in your jaw, neck, chest or arms, perhaps a hot feeling in your body, or other unusual sensations. Identifying these signs can help you prevent these feelings from escalating into aggressive or violent behavior.
January 13, 2019
When you begin to feel anger escalating, try relaxing your body. As soon as you clench your fists, it shows the other person you want to fight. When you relax your body, you do not relay the same message. Try to use a technique learned from yoga, such as deep breathing.
January 12, 2019
Contrary to theories of domestic violence that portray battered women as helpless, most women surviving in abusive relationships leave many times and routinely act in conscious ways to try to minimize the abuse directed at them and to protect their children.
January 11, 2019
When you find yourself in a disagreement where anger can escalate, try using a calm voice instead of yelling or screaming. When you use a calm voice, other people usually lower their voices too.
January 10, 2019
Part of healing or removing oneself from unhealthy relationships is understanding why abuse happens. Domestic violence is intentional conduct that is designed to gain power and control over another. A batterer uses violence or the threat of violence, reinforced by other manipulative and coercive tactics, to ensure that the victim behaves in certain ways.
January 9, 2019
It can help to identify qualities in your relationships to determine if you are in need of professional support. Qualities of an abusive relationship include accusations, blame shifting, isolation, pressure and manipulation. Qualities of an unhealthy relationship include breaks in communication, pressure, dishonesty, struggles for control and inconsiderate behavior. Qualities of a healthy relationship include respect, good communication, trust, honesty and equality.
January 8, 2019
Anger is normal, but it is important to express these feelings in a healthy way. It is often helpful to recognize the situations that make you feel angry, such as when you are with certain people, when you are tired after a hard day, when discussing certain issues, after you have been drinking, or when you’ve been criticized. By recognizing these circumstances, you can better identify your feelings and manage them in a safe and healthy way.
January 7, 2019
If you can learn to recognize the times that you tend to feel angry, such as times of the day or night, or days of the week, you can begin to de-escalate your feelings and maintain control.
January 6, 2019
Often, the first step in dealing with feelings of anger is to learn to recognize the signs that warn you that your anger is escalating and may become uncontrolled.
January 5, 2019
We all know victims of domestic violence. Worldwide, between one quarter and one half of all women experience violence in an intimate relationship. Victims of domestic violence may not disclose the abuse because of embarrassment or humiliation, fear that they will be blamed for the abuse, or the danger of retaliation from the abuser.
January 4, 2019
Primary emotions are those emotions that are our true feelings. Anger is the secondary emotion that we typically express instead of primary emotions, in an attempt to control a situation rather than allowing ourselves to be vulnerable by expressing our more delicate selves.
January 3, 2019
When trying to de-escalate a tense situation, try calling the other person by name instead of calling him/her names. Using someone’s name shows that you respect them, and this can help diffuse anger and opposition.
January 2, 2019
Many believe that domestic violence is due to poverty or lack of education. This is a myth. Domestic violence is common throughout all levels of society, whether rich or poor. It is often easier to keep the violence hidden when a person has money and important friends, but it happens nonetheless. There is no evidence to support the idea that uneducated or poor people are more likely to abuse their wives or partners than are more educated and affluent people.
January 1, 2019
Healthy relationships are based on equality and respect. This mean that you make decisions together and can openly discuss whatever you’re dealing with. You enjoy spending time together but can also be happy apart.